“Don’t get me wrong, I love So-and-so, but...”
“but...”
How many times have I heard that as an introduction to a scathing criticism? How many times have I been guilty of it? What am I saying when I begin with that disclaimer?
Let’s see. “Don’t get me wrong.” So I want to make sure that you don’t misunderstand me because I’m going to say something extremely unloving and judgmental about So-and-so, and if I don’t put this in front I’m going to cross God’s frightening warning in Matthew 7:1,2. “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. (2) For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
That’s a serious warning. If I say that So-and-so is not being real, or is not seeking God, or certainly didn’t pray before making that decision, God will apply that judgment to me and hold me accountable for it. Why? Because I’m judging So-and-so’s heart. That’s not the same as looking at someone’s actions and saying to them, “Brother, what you’re doing doesn’t seem to harmonize with God’s love. I care about you and want to know if there’s anything I can do to understand and help you deal with what you’re going through.”
Then, if my relationship with that person is such that they feel they can trust me, we can pray together and maybe some healing can break in. This cannot happen if I’m talking about the situation to a third party. THAT is what brings God’s judgment down on me. THAT creates division in the body. And God has some enormously frightening things to say about people who cause division among his people. Google it.
It doesn’t matter what the context is. If I am talking to someone for any reason about something that So-and-so did that BUGS ME, that is gossip. Check out the list that gossipers are thrown in with by God Himself: (Romans 1:29-30) “They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, (30) slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,,,”
Whoa. He just threw me in with people who hate God. But I don’t hate God, so how can that apply to me? But that’s not the point. I’m ACTING as though I hate God. I’m ACTING like those who hate God. I'm pronouncing a judgment, and am thus placing myself on God's throne. And because I’m casting judgment on another Christian, God is going to judge me with the same measure as He judges those who hate Him.
But I’m just trying to enlist other Christians to pray for So-and-so.
Yeah. Don’t do that. Instead, I need to go in my closet and pray for So-and-so by myself. Or, go directly to So-and-so and pray with them (assuming they trust me), and while I’m there ask them if it’s O.K. with them for me to enlist others to pray. But if I can’t confront them first and directly, I’d better not dare to put myself in danger of God’s wrath. That's the act of a coward.
“Do not judge...” Too many Christians just don’t take that seriously enough. We forget (or are not even aware) of how much we have been forgiven. If we could see our own “righteousness” the way God sees it (Isaiah 64:6), we would never dare to part our lips in criticism of another person’s intentions, motivations, will, or heart. We would look past our judgment and into the pain that So-and-so is in, and our hearts would break for them in the same way Christ’s does.
In the same way Christ’s does.
In the same way Christ’s does.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love So-and-so, but...” These are not the words of a breaking heart. These are words of anger, frustration, bitterness, and resentment. They have no place in my mouth if I claim to be His follower.
Father, set a guard over my mouth, and keep watch over the door to my lips, and let me store up only Your words in my heart so that I may not sin against You. Prompt me to think about others the way you think about them. Prompt me to love them the way You have loved me when I didn’t deserve it. Convict me with Your Spirit when I am about to pronounce judgment on someone’s heart. Deliver me from a judgmental spirit and replace it with your kindness, patience, and gentleness. Let me bring my anger and frustration only to You. I submit my thoughts and emotions to Your rule and exchange them for Your peace, placing myself under the authority of Jesus’ name alone. Amen.
Psalm 141:3
Psalm 119:11
Galatians 5:22
“but...”
How many times have I heard that as an introduction to a scathing criticism? How many times have I been guilty of it? What am I saying when I begin with that disclaimer?
Let’s see. “Don’t get me wrong.” So I want to make sure that you don’t misunderstand me because I’m going to say something extremely unloving and judgmental about So-and-so, and if I don’t put this in front I’m going to cross God’s frightening warning in Matthew 7:1,2. “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. (2) For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
That’s a serious warning. If I say that So-and-so is not being real, or is not seeking God, or certainly didn’t pray before making that decision, God will apply that judgment to me and hold me accountable for it. Why? Because I’m judging So-and-so’s heart. That’s not the same as looking at someone’s actions and saying to them, “Brother, what you’re doing doesn’t seem to harmonize with God’s love. I care about you and want to know if there’s anything I can do to understand and help you deal with what you’re going through.”
Then, if my relationship with that person is such that they feel they can trust me, we can pray together and maybe some healing can break in. This cannot happen if I’m talking about the situation to a third party. THAT is what brings God’s judgment down on me. THAT creates division in the body. And God has some enormously frightening things to say about people who cause division among his people. Google it.
It doesn’t matter what the context is. If I am talking to someone for any reason about something that So-and-so did that BUGS ME, that is gossip. Check out the list that gossipers are thrown in with by God Himself: (Romans 1:29-30) “They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, (30) slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,,,”
Whoa. He just threw me in with people who hate God. But I don’t hate God, so how can that apply to me? But that’s not the point. I’m ACTING as though I hate God. I’m ACTING like those who hate God. I'm pronouncing a judgment, and am thus placing myself on God's throne. And because I’m casting judgment on another Christian, God is going to judge me with the same measure as He judges those who hate Him.
But I’m just trying to enlist other Christians to pray for So-and-so.
Yeah. Don’t do that. Instead, I need to go in my closet and pray for So-and-so by myself. Or, go directly to So-and-so and pray with them (assuming they trust me), and while I’m there ask them if it’s O.K. with them for me to enlist others to pray. But if I can’t confront them first and directly, I’d better not dare to put myself in danger of God’s wrath. That's the act of a coward.
“Do not judge...” Too many Christians just don’t take that seriously enough. We forget (or are not even aware) of how much we have been forgiven. If we could see our own “righteousness” the way God sees it (Isaiah 64:6), we would never dare to part our lips in criticism of another person’s intentions, motivations, will, or heart. We would look past our judgment and into the pain that So-and-so is in, and our hearts would break for them in the same way Christ’s does.
In the same way Christ’s does.
In the same way Christ’s does.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love So-and-so, but...” These are not the words of a breaking heart. These are words of anger, frustration, bitterness, and resentment. They have no place in my mouth if I claim to be His follower.
Father, set a guard over my mouth, and keep watch over the door to my lips, and let me store up only Your words in my heart so that I may not sin against You. Prompt me to think about others the way you think about them. Prompt me to love them the way You have loved me when I didn’t deserve it. Convict me with Your Spirit when I am about to pronounce judgment on someone’s heart. Deliver me from a judgmental spirit and replace it with your kindness, patience, and gentleness. Let me bring my anger and frustration only to You. I submit my thoughts and emotions to Your rule and exchange them for Your peace, placing myself under the authority of Jesus’ name alone. Amen.
Psalm 141:3
Psalm 119:11
Galatians 5:22
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