Inside 537

Today is my birthday and my Bible passage for today in my One-Year-Bible-Reading plan is Job 3. How weird is that? God speaks in mysterious ways.

Confessions of a Weapon

I am a stupid man. And because of that I let the enemy use me as a weapon to hurt someone.  It wasn’t the first time, and, unfortunately, probably won’t be the last, as much as I wish it were.  I too, was hurt, since they were also used as a weapon against me.  So there we were, treating each other like enemies.  Feeling like enemies.  Suspicion.  Betrayal.  Hostility.  Pain.

The problem was, we weren’t enemies, and we both knew it.  We stood teetering on the brink of something that was either going to end in tragedy, or opportunity.  But to make it into an opportunity it has to be examined.  Every one of us could grow much faster in Christ if we would subject the bad stuff that happens to us to immediate Spiritual Analysis.  How did I feel?  What did I see (notice)?  I felt the presence of an enemy, but I was not looking at an enemy.  In fact, we both wanted the same thing, but my stupidity had opened old wounds, and had given the real enemy an opportunity to attack.

That’s it, then.  There was an enemy present, but it was not us.  We were merely weapons in his hands, and we had both allowed him access to our heads. 

People are not our enemies; not even those who have done us seemingly irreparable harm.  The true enemy uses us against each other for his own purposes.  Once he has us divided he wins.  After that we tend to stay on automatic, and all he has to do is occasionally stoke the memory with some trigger or familiar connection to send us spiraling into self-destruction again.  Being such heavily emotionally driven creatures makes us easy marks.

Someone will say, do, or neglect something that hurts me.  It may be that they intended to hurt me, but most likely they didn’t; I just chose to interpret it that way.  This is a normal occurrence, especially in our current fallen state.  It really can’t be avoided in our day to day interactions with each other.  But what I decide to do with that hurt will determine my understanding of God’s love.  I can take it to Him and release it at His throne (letting Him absorb the blows, as in a previous journal entry), or I can harbor it and nurture it and become “offended.”  The latter is destructive only to me, and is always a clear choice on my part.  We all choose what things offend us and what do not.  We also choose when certain things offend us and when they do not.  For example, sometimes I am offended when some inconsiderate driver cuts me off on the highway, and other times I just slow down and let him pass easily, my mind being preoccupied with other matters.  What’s the difference?  Each time I was equally treated.  One time I chose to get miffed, the other I chose to ignore it.  The difference was ME, not the situation.

Forgiveness is about understanding this truth, that we have no human enemies.  When we can reach that level of maturity, we will finally realize that forgiveness is not something we DO.  It’s something we ARE.  It becomes a state of being in which we always dwell.  We begin the day by forgiving all offenses and attempts to offend BEFORE they occur.  Eventually, as we approach Christ more deeply in our relationship with Him, we’d like to reach that state where being offended doesn’t even occur to us, because we see others through His eyes and the way He sees us. 

When we can look at each other as siblings in Christ and honestly say, “You are more important to me than the thing you did to hurt me,” we will finally understand the look of love that Jesus gave Peter after Peter’s emphatic denial of Him.  I want to see and be seen that way more than anything else in this life.

Father, lead me on Your path to “becoming” forgiveness.  Show me how priceless each person I meet is in Your eyes, and let me not forget how priceless I am to You.  Teach me to make allowances for the faults of others, and to release all bitterness, offense, and pain to You.  Teach me that I am not as important as the love You share through me to others.  Make me conform more and more to Your Holy name.  Amen.

Sisyphus No More

Sometimes I get tired.  I’m not talking about physically.  That too, but on another level.  I mean emotionally.  Spiritually.  I get tired of fighting the battle.  It seems like I’m making progress in my relationship with my wife, or in my healing, or in my career, and then... WHAM.  I get blind-sided by the charging Rhino from Hell.  Everything drops back and I have to start all over.

It’s Sisyphean.  Sisyphus was a king of Corinth in Greek mythology.  He was not a good guy, to be very generous in his description.  So when he died, his punishment was to roll a giant stone up a steep hill, a stone of just such a mass and dimension that as it reached the top it would get out of control and roll back down.  Sisyphus would then have to descend and start again.  This he was condemned to repeat for all eternity.  So when you refer to a task as “Sisyphean” [sis-uh-fee-uhn] you’re expressing a feeling of utter futility.

Dying to Self is a Sisyphean task.  The battle seems unending.  Every time I think I’ve knocked Self out for good, Desire moves in, applies his extensive skills at CPR, and raises him back up. He won’t stay down.  And driving him back is a painful, enervating process.  Discouraging at best.  Sisyphean. 

Then I begin to wonder if the reason that engaging in the battle is so exhausting is that I’m engaging in the battle.  I get this picture of Christ raising His sword to deal the death blow and me suddenly jumping in between and pummeling at the enemy with my tiny fists.  He looks down at me with one eyebrow raised and flicks me away with a finger.  I jump back in and begin swinging again, bashing my fists against the plates of his armor until I fall in a bloody, exhausted heap.  Meanwhile Christ is standing there, sword raised, but unable to engage the enemy Himself with me in the way.  I see the enemy look across at Jesus, a sneering grin snaking across his face, a looking of defiance and daring in his eyes.  “Oh!  Ow!  Oh!”  he cries for my benefit. “Stop!  That really hurts!”  And, of course, encouraged, I begin swinging again.

And so it continues.  Sisyphus descends.

I need to get inside Christ where I belong as God’s child.  I need to let Him take the blows, and deliver them as well.  That was what all the blood and gore was about on the Cross; Him taking the blows.  That includes the blows thrown at me by other humans.  Did someone offend me?  No.  They may intend to, but they can’t offend me without offending Him first because I’m inside Him.  He takes the blows.  He surrounds me, infuses me, deflects from me every attack, both human and spiritual.  Here’s Paul:

Romans 13:14  But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.

O.K., if I put something on, it covers me. It protects me.  Nothing can get to me without going through what I put on.  In addition, Paul does not say “battle it out with the flesh until you win and don’t give up.”  Instead he says, “don’t provide stuff for your desires.”  Now that’s different.  To provide stuff for my desires I have to take Christ off in order to get the stuff.  Then I’m no longer protected.  These are choices I make.

It’s not just Paul.  Jesus prayed for His disciples, and by extension, for us with these words:
"I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word;  (21)  that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me.  (22)  "The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one;  (23)  I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me."  John 17:20-23 

Remember the Babushka doll?  You open it and there’s another one inside, and you open that one and there’s another one inside, and you open that and there’s another one, etc.  In Christ I’m way down there at the bottom inside both Christ and God and then Christ is inside of me.  How much more protection can I have?  The only time I lose it is when I come OUT to find the stuff I “need” to satisfy my own desires; stuff to feed my pride, my loneliness, my hurt feelings, my resentment, my bitterness.  That’s when it's open season on Les.  Do I want to defeat Self?  Then I don't fight him.  I starve him.  Fighting is God's.  My part is to believe.

When I say I believe, I don’t mean I believe stuff about God.  I don’t believe ABOUT God.  I believe IN God.  That is, I believe God FROM WITHIN Him.  Even the devil himself believes God from the outside.  This distinction is profound enough to change my life right now if I let it sink in.  The next time someone attacks me verbally, I’m going to see Christ around me, deflecting the harshness and the abuse, taking it on Himself.  I’m going to be like the students in the Peanuts cartoon listening to the teacher drone, “Wah wa-wa-wah, wa-wa-wah wah wah wa-wah.”

This week I’m not going to fight the battle.  I’m just going to stand.  But I’m not just going to stand, I’m going to stand

inside.

My name shall no longer be Sisyphus.


Father I submit this week to you.  I accept your gift of protection and allow you to absorb the blows that others direct toward me.  Put a guard over my mouth and watch the door to my lips so that I might not judge the heart of anyone you send to me.  Keep me from aiming blows at others that you must then absorb for them.  Help me to see that when I hurt my spouse, or another brother or sister in You that I am hurting You directly.  Open my eyes to see every sin in my heart the way you see it, so that I will be tenderhearted toward those who would offend me.  Search me and know every thought and imagination, and direct my path through your heart.  Give me to think like You think, love what You love, and hate what You hate.  Amen

Don't Get Me Wrong...

“Don’t get me wrong, I love So-and-so, but...”

“but...”

How many times have I heard that as an introduction to a scathing criticism?  How many times have I been guilty of it?  What am I saying when I begin with that disclaimer?

Let’s see.  “Don’t get me wrong.”  So I want to make sure that you don’t misunderstand me because I’m going to say something extremely unloving and judgmental about So-and-so, and if I don’t put this in front I’m going to cross God’s frightening warning in Matthew 7:1,2.  “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. (2)  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the  measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

That’s a serious warning.  If I say that So-and-so is not being real, or is not seeking God, or certainly didn’t pray before making that decision, God will apply that judgment to me and hold me accountable for it.  Why?  Because I’m judging So-and-so’s heart.  That’s not the same as looking at someone’s actions and saying to them, “Brother, what you’re doing doesn’t seem to harmonize with God’s love.  I care about you and want to know if there’s anything I can do to understand and help you deal with what you’re going through.”

Then, if my relationship with that person is such that they feel they can trust me, we can pray together and maybe some healing can break in.  This cannot happen if I’m talking about the situation to a third party.  THAT is what brings God’s judgment down on me.  THAT creates division in the body.  And God has some enormously frightening things to say about people who cause division among his people.  Google it.

It doesn’t matter what the context is.  If I am talking to someone for any reason about something that So-and-so did that BUGS ME, that is gossip.  Check out the list that gossipers are thrown in with by God Himself: (Romans 1:29-30) “They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips,  (30)  slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,,,”

Whoa.  He just threw me in with people who hate God.  But I don’t hate God, so how can that apply to me?  But that’s not the point.  I’m ACTING as though I hate God.  I’m ACTING like those who hate God.  I'm pronouncing a judgment, and am thus placing myself on God's throne.  And because I’m casting judgment on another Christian, God is going to judge me with the same measure as He judges those who hate Him.

But I’m just trying to enlist other Christians to pray for So-and-so.

Yeah.  Don’t do that.  Instead, I need to go in my closet and pray for So-and-so by myself.  Or, go directly to So-and-so and pray with them (assuming they trust me), and while I’m there ask them if it’s O.K. with them for me to enlist others to pray.  But if I can’t confront them first and directly, I’d better not dare to put myself in danger of God’s wrath.  That's the act of a coward.

“Do not judge...”  Too many Christians just don’t take that seriously enough.  We forget (or are not even aware) of how much we have been forgiven.  If we could see our own “righteousness” the way God sees it (Isaiah 64:6), we would never dare to part our lips in criticism of another person’s intentions, motivations, will, or heart.  We would look past our judgment and into the pain that So-and-so is in, and our hearts would break for them in the same way Christ’s does.

In the same way Christ’s does.

In the same way Christ’s does.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love So-and-so, but...”  These are not the words of a breaking heart.  These are words of anger, frustration, bitterness, and resentment.  They have no place in my mouth if I claim to be His follower.

Father, set a guard over my mouth, and keep watch over the door to my lips, and let me store up only Your words in my heart so that I may not sin against You.  Prompt me to think about others the way you think about them.  Prompt me to love them the way You have loved me when I didn’t deserve it.  Convict me with Your Spirit when I am about to pronounce judgment on someone’s heart.  Deliver me from a judgmental spirit and replace it with your kindness, patience, and gentleness.  Let me bring my anger and frustration only to You.  I submit my thoughts and emotions to Your rule and exchange them for Your peace, placing myself under the authority of Jesus’ name alone.  Amen.

Psalm 141:3
Psalm 119:11
Galatians 5:22

A Christian Mantra

I have a mantra.  I don’t tell anybody because the word itself conjures up images of long robes and barefoot dancing to the erratic rhythm of tambourines.  So I only confess it here in my private journal.

I don’t chant my mantra in order to become one with the “Great Nothing”.  I repeat it rhythmically in order to still my mind in preparation for meditating on God’s presence and voice.  It does “center” me.  But it centers me prostrate at the foot of God’s throne.  It bares my spirit to Him and flushes away the fears and anxieties that beset my daily existence.

My mantra consists of four names of God.  I call them out not just because they escort me mentally and emotionally into His presence, but also because I believe they drive out dark angels and enemy forces who shrink away at the sound of His name.  I don’t just chant them over and over, I “declare” them.  It’s different.

In order, they go like this:

1.   Elohim — In Hebrew this name is plural, but it is always translated in the singular form.  It expresses the “tri-unity” of God; His singular plurality.  This is the Sovereign Almighty Creator, the omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent God over all that is.  When I declare His Sovereignty, I am surrendering my own “godhood” and all of my control issues and setting Him and His desires above me and my desires, renouncing Satan’s call to “be like god, knowing good and evil.”

2.   Emmanuel — This name literally means, “God with us.”  In itself it tells the whole story.  It is, first of all, Jesus Himself; god become human and walking on earth with us.  It is the God of Phillipians 2:5-8, the God who emptied Himself.  It is the God who dwells with us now in the form of the Holy Spirit, the Comforter.  When I declare His “Descendance”, I am offering to release my own pride and become a servant to humanity in His name.

3.   Abba — This is God’s most intimate name.  It expresses the reason for the name just before it, Emmanuel.  Why did God become one with us?  So that He could be called our true Father, having experienced life as we do; just as an earthly father has experienced childhood before his children.  This is the God of Psalm 103:10-14: the God who doesn’t treat us with the justice we deserve, but as a father with compassion for the children He created out of dust in the image of Himself.  When I declare His Fatherhood I am accepting Him into this deep intimacy with my most inner self.

4.   Adonai — This name means “Lord.”  It has the connotation of Master, one to whom one submits.  We are safe in submitting to him because of the previous name, Abba.  He is our most intimate friend, brother, and father.  He “formed my inward parts.”  He “knitted me together in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13-16).”  Having designed me, He knows better than I do what hurts me, what heals me, what will make me strong, and what will weaken me.  I am most self-fulfilled when I conform myself to His will.  When I declare His Lordship, I am acknowledging that His will fulfills me and my purpose for living.

So, there it is.  Elohim-Emmanuel-Abba-Adonai.  My opening mantra to meditation and communication with Yahweh.  It has a great rhythm: da-da-DA, da-DA-da-da, DA-da, da-da-DA (pause, repeat).

“Elohim-Emmanuel-Abba-Adonai, I lift Your name up in my heart above all other names.  You have exalted above all things Your name and Your word, and at it’s sound, every knee shall bow, in heaven, on earth, and under the earth.  I love You and I seek You with my whole heart.  Let me hear in the morning of Your steadfast love, for in You I trust.  Make me know the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul.”

Phillipians 2:9
Psalm 138:2
Phillipians 2:10
Jeremiah 29:13
Psalm 143:8

He Finishes What He Started

This is my courage for this day.  Whatever I have done to stall the progress of my healing and my growth in Him, I cannot afford to worry that he has given up on me, because that leads to disaster.  So this is my prayer to God from His promise:

“And I am sure of this, that [You] who began a good work in [me] will bring it to completion at the day of Christ. [You] will fulfill [Your] purpose for me.  Do not forsake the work of Your hands.  Therefore, as [I] have always obeyed, so now,... [I] will work out [my] own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God that works in [me] both to will and to work for His good pleasure.”

Phillipians 1:6
Psalm 138:8
Phillipians 2:12

He started His work in me.  I know this.  He says He will complete it, that He will fulfill His purpose in my life, that He will not forsake the work that He has begun.  So I will submit this day to Him in the midst of my fear and trepidation  – in spite of it, for He is in me.  He will give me both the will and the ability to accomplish this day in His name.

Psalm 37:4

This day now belongs to Him.

Memorizing Scripture Fast

I found this memorization technique a few decades ago and found it quite useful.  I use it to memorize scriptures quickly, but it can be used in just about any situation where you need to commit passages to memory.

Let’s take a useful verse from the ESV.  2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh.  (4)  For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.  (5)  We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,”

First, read the verse deeply and make sure you understand it completely.  Spend some time meditating on it and drinking it in.  Then take a note card and write the passage source at the top.

Next, read each verse aloud, and as you say the words, copy the first letter of each word on the card.  I include the punctuation because it helps me with the next step.  I always use lower case, except when it’s the first letter of a name.  So the passage above looks like this (with each verse on a separate line):

2 Corinthians 10:3-5
ftwwitf, wanwwattf
ftwoowanotf, bhdptds
wdaaeloratkoG, atetctoC

Now, looking only at the letters, repeat the passage out loud.  Look back at the text only if you absolutely have to.  Take the card with you and go over it whenever you get a chance during the day.  Try repeating the passage without looking, and look back at the letters only when you have to.  You’ll be surprised at how fast you can memorize even long passages by breaking them into lumps of three to four verses at a time.

A great place to start is the Psalms.  They make excellent prayers of praise and adoration, thanksgiving, petition, and intercession.  Try Psalm 103, 51, 139, 32, and 143.  These have been powerful ones for me.

Putting God’s own words into my heart and praying them back to Him all during the day, has made a huge difference in the intimacy of my relationship with Him.  I'm positive it will do the same for you.  Life is deeper now.  God bless you.

Freedom

There is NO sin that feels as good as freedom from it.  That freedom can only be realized through friendship with God.  It cannot be achieved, it can only be accepted.

A light bulb is designed to fit into a socket.  When it does, it fulfills it's design and "achieves" self-actualization.  It cannot realize this by itself.  It has no "inner light" that it can "connect with."

We were created to be God's friends.  It was the most intimate of relationships.  We are designed as vessels to contain His presence.  When we do, we fulfill our design and find our selves.  We cannot do this by ourselves.  We have no "god within" that we can connect with.

It's all about friendship.  As the light bulb is not free when it is disconnected from its source, but is enveloped in darkness, so we are not free when we do not submit to God, but are enslaved to the dark caprice of "self."  The darkness feels good, comfortable for awhile -- feels like it's hiding us from guilt and punishment.  But instead it is devouring us.  Alive.

There is NO sin that feels as good as freedom from it.