Inside 537

Stan Lee Interview

Caught this on the Dennis Miller Show, December 28, 2007.  I'm putting it here in honor of one of the world's best human beings, Justin Kowalski, a.k.a. J-Rocka, an immensely talented and priceless friend of mine.  It takes a few to load it up, but I hope you like it, J.

Happy Birthday To Me

Thanks Jim.  Some friends know exactly what to get you for your birthday.

Bodily Functions

We've had a couple of sermons on gifts and stuff.  We are told continually that we all have a part to play.  We all have gifts that work together toward a common end.  In 1 Cor. 12 Paul uses the analogy of a body.  A body has many parts, and they all need each other.  Some function as hands, some as feet, some as the mouth, and so on.

I am the hemorrhoid.  I didn't choose that part, I just sort of "ended" up there.  Having then discovered my gift, I just want to be the best I can.  What other choice to I have?  You play the hand you're dealt.  This could explain a lot to some who read my blog and respond querulously to my criticisms of certain nefarious political elements in American society.

I have no angst regarding the aspersions.  The hemorrhoid doesn't seek the approval of others.  Such would be a fruitless quest anyway.  To those who may niggle that the hemorrhoid isn't actually a functioning part of the body, I am well aware of that fact.  However, it is still quite attached in an intimate sort of way, as am I.

Now I don't know if, in this anatomical metaphor, one moves up in function at any point.  I think the point is that no part is more important than another.  Of course, all analogies fall apart if pushed too far.  And for those who find hemorrhoids to be in bad taste, well, duh.

But if I have caused any undue pain, I apologize.  It's just what I do.  Probably the best way to avoid discomfort is...

...don't strain yourself.

Eddie

This is Eddie.  He was once a student at the school where I teach.  His mom is our librarian.  My 6th graders sent him and his squad Valentines and a lot of candy, chapstick, and letters thanking them for caring more about others than about themselves.  Last week he called my classroom from Iraq and talked to my kids.

One of my girls, Michele, had written a letter to his mom.  In it she told her that if she needed someone to talk to or if she felt like crying because she missed him, she could talk to her anytime.

Eddie was so moved he called from the other side of the world to thank Michele for her letter and for taking care of his mom.

My heart is as full of pride as my eyes are of tears as I write this.

 

We love you, Eddie.   May God protect you.

Break

The problem is that I'm most motivated to blog when I'm angry.  So I come on here and vent.  So today I'm taking a break from venting to invite anyone who has stopped by to a couple of oases of peace in the blogosphere.  Two of my favorite places to visit and think about God are at Rob and Leah's.  Besides being two of the most artistically gifted people on the planet, they have a deep spiritual fount from which God speaks.

It's more than worth your time.

My Life

O.K., so here's the deal.  I'm in this men's group at my church where we're working on relationship stuff.  That's good.  I like that.  They said it would be hard.  That's O.K. too.  I geared up for it.  But the first thing they want me to do is start my memoirs.  You take these post-it notes, see, and you put down stuff you remember on each one -- different colors for good stuff and bad stuff.  Then you arrange the post-its into chronological order and catagorize them.  Then you share them and get to know each other. 

What happened to, "Hey Bro, s'up?"

My problem is, I can't think of anything!  My whole life fits on one post-it note!  And I wouldn't even have that if Nathan hadn't said, "You can start with your birth."  O.K., so now my note says, "I was born.  I'm still waiting for something to happen."

Well, O.K., there was that time I saw a guy sniff four olives up his nose and shoot them out his mouth...

O.K., now I've got two.

Crap.  This is hard.

You gotta be a little tweaked...

...to love Steven Wright as much as I do.  My brain works exactly the same way, but he just articulates it so well...

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I can levitate birds.  No one cares.

I went into this General Store.  They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.  I had to buy them again.

I got a brand new microwave fireplace installed in my house.  Yesterday I stretched out in front of the fire for an entire evening in two minutes.

When I was little my grandfather asked me how old I was.  I said, "Five."  He said, "When I was your age I was six."

When I was a baby, I kept a diary. Recently, I was rereading it. It said, "Day 1 — Still tired from the move. Day 2 — Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot."

Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I went to a 7/11 and the guy was coming out, locking the doors.  I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours."  He said, "Yeah, but not in a row."

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

I'm writing a book.  So far I've got all the page numbers.  I just have to fill in the rest.

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street, and... Ooooohhhhhh, that's much better...

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... Perhaps you've seen it.

I went around my house and turned on all the lights. Then I put mirrors around all the light bulbs. Now the electric company sends me a check each month.

I have this light switch in my house that doesn't do anything.  Every time I go by I flip it a few times just to check.  Yesterday I got a phone call from a woman in Germany.  She said, "Cut it out!"

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven.  I almost went back in time.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet.  So I said, "You got any shoes you're not using?"

Last time I went camping, I accidentally borrowed a circus tent. I didn't know until I got there and set it up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.

I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."

My school colors were clear. We used to say, "I'm not naked, I'm in the band."

I saw this sign that said, "Banking 24 Hours."  But I just didn't have that kind of time.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

I make wine out of raisins so I don't have to wait for it to age.

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."

I was up all night trying to round off infinity.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Shades of Matthew 24

This is one of "those" days.  Sometimes life just sits on you all at once.  The state of the world is nothing less than terrifying.  Jesus prophesied, "Because of growing lawlessness, most people's love will grow cold."  He must have seen an advanced copy of the New York Times.

The state of me is not much better.  So I'm sitting here looking back over 54 years, and what stands out?  Every wound I've ever caused by my action or inaction.  Every person I've loved and hurt.  And there are too many.  Way too many.

I'm just not that good at life.  I mean, we've all got different skills, right?  Life isn't one of mine.  Never has been.  Fortunately, I've got two things to compensate.  The love of God, and the love of the people He's given me.  If you're reading this, and you're a friend of mine, you have no idea how much you mean to me.  You are priceless.

So I'm going through this little cloud, but I know I'll come out the other side.  This stuff passes.  Meanwhile, I'll focus on Christ, and on you, and I'll catch you again at the exit.

Harold

Sheila's back at last.  Safe.  A little sick...  But the stories she has as witness to the power of God and the need...

It's interesting how the lines between good and evil are so clear in Africa.  There isn't enough comfort and affluence to blur the boundaries.  The school where she worked has a kindergarten.  Next door to the kindergarten is the local witch doctor's house.  You can throw a rock and hit him in the head.  Probably not a good idea.

Sheila worked with teachers, children, and some village women.  They loved her.  They, of course, had never witnessed anything like her before.  I can relate.

There was a boy named Harold.  He's in eighth grade.  His teacher noticed he'd been missing school three days out of the week.  When she asked him why, he told her his uncle (with whom he lived because his parents had died of AIDS) didn't have enough food for him, so told him to get out.  So Harold hit the streets.  He began to beg, work at odd jobs, and scrounge for scraps of food and wood to keep him warm during the 40 degree nights on three days of the school week.  Then he would go to school for two days.  On those days he had no food and no wood.  But he wanted to learn.

Guess which 6th grade teacher is going to be telling Harold's story to his class REPEATEDLY  next year?  HELLO!  The school there has nothing.  No paper, pencils, or books; they use rocks for chairs, a building with no electricity.  Many of the teachers are dying of AIDS and malaria.  They share duties at each grade level, averaging 50-60 or more students per teacher packed like sardines in a sweat box.  They have NOTHING.  But Harold will starve himself to sit in this classroom for a couple of days a week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

We have it all.  And our kids don't want it.  They'd rather be anywhere else, and we, as teachers, have to turn somersaults to keep their attention for a few minutes.

The stuff we waste boggles my brain.

Jason Morrow

There is one too many heros in heaven today.  One too many.